{"id":15753,"date":"2020-09-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-09-11T01:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mag.atomicmusic.space\/?p=15753"},"modified":"2020-09-11T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2020-09-11T01:00:00","slug":"not-ok","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/radio.atomicmusic.space\/index.php\/2020\/09\/11\/not-ok\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Ok"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Last month I\nhad a brain tweak. It gave me an idea that seemed funny in my head and that I\nthought at the very least might make a few others smile, maybe even laugh.&nbsp; I feed off and am a sucker for making people\nhappy. A smile costs nothing but is infectious. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/plugins\/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fmelanie.naismith.1%2Fvideos%2F10163791479485243%2F&#038;show_text=0&#038;width=560\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" style=\"border:none;overflow:hidden\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"0\" allowTransparency=\"true\" allowFullScreen=\"true\"><\/iframe>\n\n\n\n<p>Some of the\ncomments I received after uploading it were:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cMel you\nmade my day! When I actually realised I knew that weirdo in the sombrero\nharassing the cops I couldn\u2019t stop laughing for the rest of the day.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cThis is the\nbest!!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cHa ha you\nalways make me laugh. Good job\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI bloody\nlove you\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cMel you\u2019re\none of a kind, thanks for the laugh\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cHa ha love\nit. We could all do with a bit of a laugh right now.&nbsp; Good on you Melanie\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People who\ndidn\u2019t know me were messaging, people were laughing and the whole adventure\nsucceeded my expectations on how many people would enjoy it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img src=\"https:\/\/mag.atomicmusic.space\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/20200904_131853-1024x748.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-15754\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>What no\none knows though\u2026. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That morning\nI was in the doctor\u2019s office, trying to convince my G.P. that I needed a mental\nhealth plan. This was my second attempt at doing so, a nurse had told me I was\nfine when I\u2019d reached out previously.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I tried\nseveral other avenues but I was hitting road blocks everywhere. When I finally\ngot to I fill it out, my doctor sat there worried.&nbsp; Then he sat there shaking his head and said things\nlike \u201cYou\u2019re always so friendly and chatty\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m very surprised by this\u201d.&nbsp; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Long term\nI\u2019ve battled with different variables of anxiety, depression and other\nvariables of brain battles.&nbsp; I know for\nme, exercise and yoga helps me considerably but a lot of the time no one\nrealises I\u2019m battling because I refuse to let them know at the time.&nbsp; That by sharing I would burden them or bring\nthem down with me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>From an\noutsiders perspective I\u2019m happy, chatty and a bit of a laugh.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019d like to\nshare with you some of the symptoms of depression I ticked from Beyond Blues\nwebsite on the day I made the funny video above.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Withdrawing from close friends and\nfamily<\/li><li>Not been doing anything I would enjoy\nusually, in fact I had not really done anything just for fun for a long time\n(this one is hard sometimes for people to believe because it looks like I\u2019m\nalways having fun)<\/li><li>Unable to concentrate<\/li><li>I\u2019m feeling overwhelmed<\/li><li>Guilty I might be letting someone\ndown<\/li><li>Irritable<\/li><li>Frustrated<\/li><li>Lacking confidence<\/li><li>Unhappy\/Miserable<\/li><li>Indecisive<\/li><li>That I\u2019m not succeeding<\/li><li>I\u2019m worthless<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Physically I\nfeel<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Tired all the time<\/li><li>Sick and run down<\/li><li>Headaches and muscles pains<\/li><li>Upset stomach <\/li><li>I\u2019m not sleeping<\/li><li>Weight Change<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Other Big\nthings I battle with that always come to mind and might seem to be\ncontradictory to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have a\nmassive Fear of Failure but an extreme Fear of Success as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Both these\ncan equally send me down the self-sabotage route.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Recently I\nwas definitely not in a good place. A rational perspective and an outsider looking\nin would say I\u2019ve got good things happening in my life.&nbsp; I know this but I am not always happy with\nwhere I\u2019m at and where I WAS, WAS NOT HAPPY.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t know\nif you can relate to this but no one can judge me more harshly than I judge\nmyself.&nbsp; I\u2019d been less than reliable and\nmaybe not as switched on as I usually would be, I felt like I\u2019d let myself and\nothers down. Something needed to change and I was very aware of it but change\ncan be very hard, overwhelming even.&nbsp;\nParticularly if it involves reaching out and asking others to help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img src=\"https:\/\/mag.atomicmusic.space\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/20200714_154536-1024x768.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-15755\"\/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>I think\nsometimes people see what they want to see OR more to the point people will see\nwhat you let them see.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For\ninstance, that video of me shows no real signs of someone struggling.&nbsp; If you had been with me at the time however IN\nMY HEAD, I battled self-doubt, anxiety amongst other things. To get it done I\nneeded to constantly tell myself that if I did, I might just be making people\nlaugh and maybe make their day a bit better. I had to convince myself opting\nout was worse than facing the fear. When dealing with anxiety, my rational\nbrain knows if I push through I\u2019ll be ok. That not doing something will then\ncreate more worry and anxiety because the build-up becomes much greater. That\u2019s\na very hard battle to push through.&nbsp; One\nI don\u2019t always win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So many very\npositive things came out of this video of me playing the fool. The level of\nengagement it received and the number of people that reached out blew me away.&nbsp; It created conversations, people I hadn\u2019t\nseen in a long time touched base with me and sought interaction. Some saying that\nthat one video from me made them laugh and then that in turn led them to share\nthey were not doing so well and that the laugh I gave them was so very dearly\nneeded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That to me\nis very rewarding but also almost compounds the responsibility I put on myself\nto push through and make people happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Robin\nWilliams one of the most highly regarded people in entertainment once said, <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><em>\u201cI\nthink the saddest people always try their best to make people happy.&nbsp; Because they know what it\u2019s like to feel\nabsolutely worthless and they don\u2019t want anyone else to feel like that.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What I did\nwas the overwhelming and hard task\u2026. I changed things. Things that I knew\nneeded to be done but the big job of doing them was incredibly\noverwhelming.&nbsp; I will talk more about\nthis over my next few confessions but I\u2019m currently getting stuff off my chest\nwith work, family, friends etc. I feel lighter already.&nbsp; I\u2019ve sought counselling which gives me an\nexternal outlet to offload to.&nbsp; There are\nmany places that can help, but you need to want to help yourself as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If none of\nwhat I\u2019m saying resonates with you then I\u2019m asking you to do one thing for me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Check in\nwith your mates<\/strong> and\nif you have one mate that\u2019s always checking in on you and everyone else make\nsure you ask them how they are. Properly ask them.&nbsp; They may say the first time they\u2019re\ngood.&nbsp; But if you continue to check in\nthe same way they do with everyone else one day they might just go you know\nwhat, I feel shit. Then when they do that. Ask them \u2018Why?\u2019 And listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People share\na lot of detail with me often\u2026. I don\u2019t judge, I just try to understand and see\ntheir point of view.&nbsp; People don\u2019t necessarily\nneed you to fix them, just let them get stuff off their chest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even if to\neveryone else they have no reason to feel like that, you are not them. So you\ncan\u2019t possibly know how or why they are thinking what they are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Also know in\nturn it\u2019s not your job to save someone, you can be there for support, but you\ncan\u2019t help someone that isn\u2019t ready to receive or want to help themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And if\nsomeone is trying to seek help\u2026 please don\u2019t tell them they are fine.&nbsp; Don\u2019t make the process of getting assistance\nany harder than taking that initial first step to better themselves.&nbsp; Being vulnerable and exposing yourself can be\ndifficult, don\u2019t give us walls to jump over as well, as that might just be\nenough for us to put it in the too hard basket and give up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong><em>Let\nthem know it\u2019s ok. To NOT feel ok. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Muchos\nGracias <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Last month I had a brain tweak. It gave me an idea that seemed funny in my head and that I thought at the very least might make a few others smile, maybe even laugh.&nbsp; I feed off and am a sucker for making people happy. A smile costs nothing but is infectious. Some of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":15754,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[289,291],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v18.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Not Ok - Local Music Loud<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/radio.atomicmusic.space\/index.php\/2020\/09\/11\/not-ok\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Not Ok - Local Music Loud\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Last month I had a brain tweak. 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