{"id":19203,"date":"2020-09-24T10:01:00","date_gmt":"2020-09-24T00:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mag.atomicmusic.space\/?p=16635"},"modified":"2020-09-24T10:01:00","modified_gmt":"2020-09-24T00:01:00","slug":"the-bystander-effect","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/radio.atomicmusic.space\/index.php\/2020\/09\/24\/the-bystander-effect\/","title":{"rendered":"The Bystander Effect"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If you see someone with lipstick or food on their teeth. Do\nyou tell them, even if instigating a conversation could make that person or\nyourself momentarily uncomfortable? I do. \nMainly because I think I\u2019d like someone to tell me or bring attention to\nit so I can fix it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something happened last week that drew my attention that\nthis isn\u2019t always the norm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I love getting out amongst it and feeling productive.  Especially in the sunny weather. It\u2019s like\nthe sun filling up your soul.  It\u2019s good\nfor you. Warms your cockles to quote someone over 80.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last weekend as per request from Dad for Father\u2019s Day.  A day alongside<\/em>.<\/strong>  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The term A day alongside <\/em><\/strong>is a reference I\u2019ve\ngrown up with. <\/em><\/strong> For context\nit came from me coming home at the end of a big day at school, work etc saying I\u2019m\npuffed and then Dad going pfft. \u201cput in a day alongside\u201d then see how you go.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, for his Father\u2019s Day present we put in a day alongside\ntogether.  Big time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t want to slow up, nor did he.  Neither wanted to admit defeat.  Ultimate competition, no one wants to opt out\nfirst.  The task was gardening amongst\nother things.  Pruning, wrecking and\ndemolishing stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I love wrecking stuff, it\u2019s the immediate\ngratification.  For someone like me with\na low attention span, seeing the path of destruction behind you is ultimate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went so gung-ho pruning I head butted a tree and I received\na<\/strong> black eye <\/strong>for\nmy troubles. <\/strong>It was adoozy. A pretty normal thing to happen to me, where I\ngo at something bull at a gate with no body awareness. I\u2019m very accident prone\nwhen I\u2019m in a zone it was just another injury for me. Just another war wound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

For the next week I walked around, living my best life doing\nwhat I normally would.  But with a massive shiner<\/strong>.  I didn\u2019t really care; it was more like a\nbadge of honour attached to a story I could tell. Most close to me will roll\ntheir eyes and ask \u201cwhat did I do this time?\u201d  Because it\u2019s not an unusual thing for me to\ninjure myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A week into having this black eye.  I was pulled over at the border crossing\nchatting to the cops and one looked at me and said, \u201cwhat happened to your\nface, are you ok?\u201d.  Briefly I didn\u2019t\nremember, then I said, \u201coh I\u2019m just one of those really clumsy people, I\nknocked myself pruning.\u201d  He looked at me\nsternly and went \u201cREALLY?\u201d.  Even as I\nwas trying to convince him I realised how suspicious my true story sounded and\nthat I probably would have been better off lying. I came out of it feeling a\nbit guilty about not having a better answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It looked bad. Really bad. \nBut interestingly that cop was only one of two that asked if I was ok\nfor the whole time I had it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wasn\u2019t trying to hide it; I didn\u2019t put make up on it.  To me it was just something I\u2019d done to\nmyself.  Another battle wound. People were\nobviously looking but didn\u2019t say anything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It didn\u2019t really bother me.  \nIt bothered my male mates though. \nThey were glared at by numerous bystanders, caf\u00e9 workers, people in the\ngrocery aisles.  Anyone that walked with\nme, sat at a caf\u00e9 with me.   Was judged\nvery heavily. I wasn\u2019t judged.  They\nwere.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Reflecting about it afterwards I was thinking there were\nmany times that I had been near my male friends but not with them and if\nsomeone had of truly been worried they could have subtly asked me without\ndrawing attention if I was ok.  No one\ndid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, what is the bystander effect?<\/em><\/strong> Why is it\nthat we are all happy to judge from afar but not seek clarification?  We will often pass judgement from a safe\ndistance but not want to get involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At a basic explanation, it\u2019s passing the buck.  Two factors come into play.  Diffusion of responsibility<\/em><\/strong> and\nsocial influence.<\/em><\/strong>  The perceived\ndiffusion of responsibility.  The greater\nnumber of people present the less likely people are to step in and help a\nperson in distress.  So, then it\u2019s not\nyour problem it\u2019s someone else\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Where does the fear come from of stepping in and stepping\nup? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wasn\u2019t in distress or danger. But the mere fact I had a\nblack eye<\/strong> that obviously bothered people, yet no one thought to check on me\nis a worry.  The only way to counteract\nthis is for others to step up.  If\nsomeone leads others will follow and also step up.  It\u2019s safety in numbers, like a pack.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The sum of numbers is safer than not.  At some time, everyone has been a bystander,\n<\/strong>someone who witnesses bullying but doesn\u2019t get involved.  You can become an upstander <\/strong>instead \u2013\nthe person who knows something is wrong and does something to make things right.  It does take courage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 The standard you walk past is the\nstandard you accept.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you see someone with lipstick or food on their teeth. Do you tell them, even if instigating a conversation could make that person or yourself momentarily uncomfortable? I do.  Mainly because I think I\u2019d like someone to tell me or bring attention to it so I can fix it. Something happened last week that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":16636,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[289,291],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Bystander Effect - Local Music Loud<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/radio.atomicmusic.space\/index.php\/2020\/09\/24\/the-bystander-effect\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Bystander Effect - Local Music Loud\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you see someone with lipstick or food on their teeth. Do you tell them, even if instigating a conversation could make that person or yourself momentarily uncomfortable? 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