Loyalty

Is it brave or reckless to quit a job in the current climate we are in right now?

Currently mental health is a massive priority and all the things swirling around are heightening circumstances considerably.

I’m feeling very alone right now.  Theoretically I’m not.  But I still feel it.

The lockdown has again triggered feelings of being overwhelmed

I’m feeling trapped, not only in a sense of lockdown in a physical sense, but also in the monetary of we have no other options but to stick with what work we have now.  However miserable this may make me feel.

I’m feeling obligated and a sense of loyalty to my job in Shepparton.  Not because I love it or it brings me joy, but because if I leave, there is a freeze on hiring and no one left to replace me.  Which then becomes more of a work burden on already a skeleton staff.

I moved here to create opportunities for myself, I believe I have, but also circumstances have led to me not getting much growth from what I’m doing, and the job was not what I signed up for.

In fact, when I interviewed, I told my General Manager if you want someone who is happy to sit at a desk all day and do paperwork don’t hire me.  He informed me that’s not what he wants, he wanted someone to get out in the community and create brand awareness and profile.  To network. It aligned very much with who I am and what I am good at.

But he sold me a lemon.  To be fair, he didn’t know it was a lemon when he sold it to me. It’s just turned out that way from the powers that be above him and then the current climate we see ourselves in which can be covered by saying 2020. The job turned out to be 90 percent paperwork.  Actioning other people’s thoughts and ideas with not much chance to use mine.

I’m very aware of myself I know I’m incredibly stubborn, determined, loyal and relationship driven.

I’d committed to my boss that I was to be here to help make the company strive to be better and to me that’s paramount. 

I can do the job I’m in, no question. But I’m now at a point of reckoning where I look at should I do it just because I can at the expense of my own happiness. 

Key factors I need to take into consideration and what I worry about if I continue with this mental grapple between what is right for everyone and what is potentially more right for me.

Now I’m a good bloke, likeable enough and can get the job done.  I wanted to this job originally to develop connections within a large national company within media and upskill so that theoretically one day I’ll be better equipped to push my dreams into reality.

If I stay in this job, a job that as it is in its current climate is predominately is not designed for someone who likes to move about, not be tied to a desk and run amok. Someone that fidgets and has energy to burn.  Will I become resentful and then therefore that trickle into my work and personal life and make me a not so good bloke to be around?

Since October I’ve travelled at least once weekly back to Albury/Wodonga to work on my radio show and podcast.  These things bring me joy and are where I want to end up long term. Unfortunately, elements of joy have been removed because I’m time poor, I get to Albury have to do the job and turn around and go back to the paid job in Shepparton.  I’m doing everything with purpose instead of just because I want to anymore. I can’t remember when I last did something for fun, with no reason attached.

Even my exercise is for the purpose of making sure my brain and body work ok so I can keep going and work efficiently. I forego other externals so I can sleep and look after myself.

People advised me against the job in Shepparton, some commended me uprooting myself. Taking a risk and going.

The same people also advised me to quit my joy projects when they saw how much work I was putting in. This was the one thing that even though I was so tired, I could not see reasoning in.

The advice was with good intention but ultimately I would have been giving up the things that make me happy the projects and my opportunities to practice my craft as a trade off for the paid job which I’d taken to help get me networks to further advance myself in the lane I want to end up in.

In the end, the thing I loved the most.  The reason I was travelling back every week accumulating 10’s of thousands of kilometres resulted in The Mixed Lolly Bag winning an award with my co-host Josh. It had been a big commitment.  But in the moment, I felt immense validation that I was doing the right thing and was on the right path.  That the work was worth it.

In the climate we’re in now I, like everyone else have been forced to take a breath and reassess.

Now I must look at it again and think to myself

Are these feelings of discontent a compounding thing from lockdown?

 Will I be upset with myself months from now if I’ve not taken charge of where I’m headed again?

If I’m no further developed in my passion projects because I’ve traded this for a paid job where I’m feeling bound by loyalty will I be disappointed and where I could have been and look back with resentment?

Is a sense of loyalty and obligation a fair trade for happiness?

Take a good hard look at yourself.

KNOW YOURSELF.

Knowing yourself is half the battle, acknowledging what you know and being brave enough to make change is another thing.